INTRODUCING 'THE GOTHMOTHER'

'The Gothmother' A.K.A 'Auntie V' is a persona that I use to help others with advice. Whether it's business or personal, I like to share my life experience and empathy and help my fellow alt baddies in their strife's. Let's start with a few basics.

Work with your brain

Although undiagnosed (and you can have whatever opinion you like on that), I have ADD/ADHD and have found that the 'normal' way to do things is a load of ripe bollocks. Routine works for me until I find something new to turn into my entire personality for three weeks, and then everything is in the wind. 'Go with the flow' works too, until a deadline sneaks up on me and I haven't done anything. Balance is a myth because Sod's law always gets in the way.

It's taken a long time, and years of imposter syndrome, to learn my brain's patterns and find what works for me to appease The Goblin in my head. I still mess up a lot, but that's just more data for future me to use. I have shutdown days when I human too much, that makes it easy to feel tremendously guilty, due to a society that reflects all-success-all-the-time or waste-of-space-lazy-piece-of-shit as the only options of being.

You want to know a secret? No one cares what you're doing. If they do then they live very sad lives and need to deal with their own mess. You are the only standard that you hold yourself to - that sounds really cliché, I know, but it is true. Focusing on what actually brings me peace and joy in the moment is what gets me out of those holes of self-loathing. And it is hard sometimes! Having to perceive your brain as a separate entity, knowing you are in control but also not at all, can help with the initial steps toward self-regulation.

So you woke up with no energy and all you can muster is to get out of bed and sit in front of the TV? Cool, have a veggie day and allow yourself to rest, but say it's only for today and you can do the things tomorrow - that's okay. What if tomorrow I wake up the same and it starts a dark spiral? Do one productive thing, just one. Maybe that's the dishes because it's been a few days and it's grossing you out. Maybe it's stepping outside and touching grass. Doing one thing is a success, but it might lead to more which would be amazing!

If you let your brain always do what it wants, the likelihood is you'll be in a worse place mentally. Allowing The Goblin to have a tantrum is one thing, letting it run your life is not functional. You should work together, but you're the boss.

Once you learn The Goblin's habits, you can learn to distract them before they get into trouble, or how to smack them out of it when they blindside you. Live unhinged by doing what you want and not what you "should" be doing. Be a responsible adult sometimes, I guess, but mostly do whatever the fuck you want.

K, Love You, Bye!

V x